Are you a Hyper Parent? Check these points to know

Mental pressure and tension for a small child, and when parents need to approach a psychiatrist in search of a solution, there could be many reasons behind it. And one such reason is hyper parenting which harms kids more than giving advantages. Good parenting is needed for the better mental development of kids. But what if parents are over reactive and they take their right over children as grand? Can it do well for kids? Definitely no! Discipline from young age is good, but keep the ends loose so that kids get enough freedom.

Some parents are so – They impose their dreams and passion on their children without knowing their tastes. Some parents are so strict in their studies and extracurricular activities that kids don’t get ‘breathe’ in the world where they live. They may also prepare kids’ timetable too. Some parents want their kids to see always in position 1 – in studies, sports, arts etc. This tendency is called hyper parenting and most interesting part is that most parents don’t know they belong to this category. There is only a thin membrane which partitions true parenting and hyper parenting.

Are you a hyper parent?

Ask these questions to yourself to reach a conclusion.

1. Do you intervene in all activities of your kid? For instance, you may choose his game to play in a park or in which pocket your kid should put your handkerchief.

2. Do you lose your sleep if your kid doesn’t come at number 1 in class tests? Do you scold him for this reason, even if he scores good marks?

3. Do you make the decision what he should eat for breakfast, how much and how to eat? Do you suggest the colour of his T-shirt when he goes out?

4. Without knowing his interests, do you forcibly send him to dance, yoga or painting class?

If your answer is ‘yes’ definitely you are a hyper parent. But if you justify yourself saying that it’s for the better future of your kid, it’s not true. You have to change a lot.

Why a parent turns a hyper parent?

There are many reasons. Some people try to fulfil their dreams and passions through their kids, which they fail to achieve, while some others see it as status issue, and they want to project their kids as the best. Some started dreaming about the career choices of their kids even before they are born. Nuclear families, surrounding atmosphere and bad headlines of newspapers can also give anxiety and insecurity feelings in the minds of parents, which prompt them to pay more care and attention to kids. If you have a single kid, there are more chances that he has to face a big burden of his parents’ expectations.

Personalities are of three types – Introvert, Extravert and Ambivert – who balances the features of both introvert and extravert. There is a myth that extravert is best among all, but in true sense ambivert is the best. Some parents have a feeling that if their children shine in more than one field, he is extra brilliant. That’s why they force their kids to do so many things neglecting their interests and calibre. When they impose extra pressure on kids to fulfil their desires, they turn hyper.

How can hyper parenting affect a kid?

Excess intervening of parents in kids’ private space can harm in different ways. To what extend a kid may be talent or smart, if all decisions are taken by his parents, he may fail to take decisions if situations demand him to do so. It can adversely affect their mental development and self-confidence too. He may not easily mingle with his friends or society, and may fail to develop relationships. Because of pressure, he may turn introvert. To meet with parents’ expectations, they may strive more, leading to more mental pressure. If they fail in this mission, it affects them more. When parents start blaming him, conditions turn worse. Such things can adversely affect kids’ relationship with parents, and never develop a good bond with parents.

Choose activities as per their tastes

From one activity to another – a child may spend most of his childhood days in this run. Those days have gone where kids played a lot and mingled with others to have a social life. Hobbies and passions are good, but kids should enjoy with them. They should never add stress to kids. There is no need to give them extra practice so that they score best in those activities. Please remember, a kid can never become no: 1 in all activities. Sports or arts – choose items in which your kid can enjoy.

If your kid doesn’t want to go to music classes, never compel him. Also never ridicule his tastes. Appreciate his talents and try to promote them. Accept him as an individual person and give them their own space and privacy. Kids need guidance only. Let them grow in their space. Give them security and advices, and take care of their health also. Also allow them to express their passions and desires before you. Let them choose their career and activities.

Methods not to become a hyper parent

To which extent parents can enter their kids’ personal space? At which stage they should be allowed to do things of their own? To which extent they can be given freedom? It’s not an easy task find an apt answer to these questions. That’s the difference between the correct parenting and hyper parenting. Keep note of these points.

1. Stay calm and leave all those anxieties. Give them respect and behave with them soft.

2. Never think that your kid should be free of all mistakes. Let him make small errors so that he can learn from them, how to correct it.

3. Parents often loss their control when they are angry. Try to see things through his perspectives too. Embrace him when you are out of control; it can make a big difference.

4. Never feel anxiety over his future. Future can change at any point of time, and hence it is pointless to worry over something that’s expected to happen in future. For small failures, face them with calm and patience. When kid fails in exams, never overreact to it. Instead give him another chance. How many times we have read in newspapers about kids committing suicide because of failure in exams or falling short of parents’ expectations. When kids are in teens or youth, they may not think with patience and maturity and may take wrong decisions in haste.

Failure is not the end of everything, and you should support your kid so that he can fight again. It can change his attitude a lot.

5. Never highlight his low marks or defects. Instead you can ask him in which subject he got more marks. You can ask him to strive hard for the next time and improve in all subjects.

6. When your kid want to play outdoor support him saying that you will be there in case he falls. Also allow him to do things his own. That’s how you can encourage him positively. Allow them to ride bicycle or bike. Let him prepare himself.

7. You can give him alert messages when you allow him to play alone. But such messages should never make them over-protective. Otherwise he may turn coward.

8. Allow him to take risks and also give him opportunities to take responsibilities. By doing so you are giving him early lessons of self-responsibility.

9. Never discourage his activities with negative words. Instead you can say, “Let us give a try. I shall help you”. Give him freedom to do the activity and support him from behind. In some cases, we may need to say ‘No’. But handle those situations with ease, without over reacting.

10. Never add extra pressure for his studies. Except academic books, there are a lot of things to learn in this world. Instead of book worms, allow them to mingle with society and have a social life. Kids learn things – it’s a natural process. A parent’s responsibility is to provide him with a family atmosphere where he can study peacefully. A kid has the curiosity to learn new things and never discourage it. Try to clear their doubts.

11. Never observe your kid too much. Do you feel nervous right from the moment he leaves home for a night party? Do you eavesdrop to his conversation on mobile with his friends? If he feels that you doubt him, it affects the bonding of two. Both will feel stress. Believe your child and give him enough space to be with his friends. Then only he considers you as his friend.

12. Never try to make your kids perfect. You have some defects, and your kids might also have. So there is no need to change them fully to cover those imperfections.

13. If one parent is hyper while the other is normal, can it affect the child negatively? Definitely yes. Parents should have a mutual understanding on how to handle their kids.

14. Caring is good, but not extra interference. Parents need to take strict decisions only in the case of kids’ health and safety. Be a little flexible in other matters.

15.Never judge your kids based on their performances. Never be a parent who compliments him when his scores are high. Remember kids always love compliments and affections, even for silly achievements.

16. Never make strict timetables for daily activities of your kid. Be flexible and never bind his moments in between two time intervals. Your kid will suffocate. If your kid makes his room untidy once in a while, never feel angry. He is a kid, and let him do it. Kids are mischievous too. That’s a part of their nature. Let them soil their cloth and show his childish nature often. It’s him time to show that. That’s the real fun of his childhood – to remain naughty, at least occasionally.

17. If your kid loves to do something new, never discourage him. Allow him to take small risks as well. When he combines two different colours to create a new paint, allow him, even if you know his colour combination is not great. Let him take his own decisions for small tasks and experiments. Parental guidance is not needed in all matters. It improves his creativity a lot, and helps him to fly in the wings of imaginations.

18. It’s nice to see kids always at your eye sight. Yet at sometimes, a good parent should allow him to stay away and grand him a little bit freedom.

19. Enjoy each and every moment you spend with your kid. Apart from studies, spare a little time for their extracurricular activities.

20. As your child grows, slowly leave your grip from him. Provide him sufficient space so that he can grow from a small plant to a blossoming tree. Remember, when he reaches adulthood things which he remembers most about you are those lovely moments you spent with him, and those moments of freedom.

Need certain restrictions in the use of smart phones

Today kids spent too much time for gadgets like smart phones, tablet etc. It’s a common problem in all homes where kids take their parents’ phone to play. Till he reaches 14, put some restrictions on his use on smart phones, because such electronic gadgets can adversely affect his mental development a lot. It’s also not wise to allow kids to watch adult videos or images stored in parent’s mobile. Parental guidance is needed in the use of smart phones. If a kid is more interested in games, he pays less interest to his studies. Make their time meaningful, and use it wisely during their growing ages.

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