Toxic Positivity is not so positive!

Don’t we all reach out to people who are close to us—those who can listen, comfort us, and understand our pain and worries? At times, such comforting words become the fuel that helps us move forward. However, when we deal with terms like toxic positivity, there are a few people who impose motivation and positivity without considering the situation. When someone is shattered after losing their job, wealth, and stability, they approach them with overly optimistic statements like “Everything happens for a reason” or “Everything will be all right”.

The mindset that insists on facing every difficult phase positively is known as toxic positivity. They may not be saying it to hurt you. Just, they may want to see you smile. They might be advising you for a situation which they might have never come across. At least in some cases, this perspective is not as positive as it sounds. It may not work at all. Let us understand what toxic positivity is and how it can be dealt with.

Understanding Toxic Positivity

Make space for sorrow

Optimism can offer hope during dark times. But the belief that painful experiences and sorrow should be completely ignored is unhealthy. People who practice toxic positivity often live by the slogan “Good vibes only.” They tend to avoid facing real problems. Instead, they try to escape from difficulties or completely ignore them. Emotions such as sadness, disappointment, and anger are either denied or suppressed. Gradually, guilt, shame, sorrow, and anxiety take over the mind.

Problems do not get resolved when one is submerged in toxic positivity. We have to accept the fact that human emotions, even negative ones, are just normal, and they need treatment as such, without being pretentious. Let’s accept the reality first.

Ignoring and denying one’s problems and the emotions they cause over a long period, can negatively affect both mental and physical health. For this reason, toxic positivity can become dangerous at certain stages. Such individuals may hesitate to seek timely and appropriate help.

People with toxic positivity do not just dismiss their own problems—they also tend to disregard the problems of others. They prefer to keep others’ struggles at arm’s length. When someone shares their troubles with people who believe “everything happens for good,” the response is often unsolicited advice. They behave as if sorrow and disappointment arising from adverse situations are wrong. In moments when life becomes difficult, opening one’s heart and speaking honestly becomes impossible in the presence of those trapped in toxic positivity.

Optimism vs Toxic Positivity

How to distinguish between optimism and toxic positivity? It’s not easy as you think. Sometimes it can be difficult. Not everyone, who encourages us to try to overcome problems, is necessarily promoting toxic positivity. Efforts to instil hope should not be misunderstood. However, when someone repeatedly dismisses our emotions while speaking to us, it may be toxic positivity. Telling people to set aside sorrow and disappointment and to “always think positive” reflects this mindset.

Believing that one will pass an exam without studying is also an example of toxic positivity. If one is lagging behind in any area, the right approach is to try to move forward through effort. Assuming that success will happen through some miracle instead is foolishness and, of course, toxic positivity. While being in toxic positivity, let us not underestimate the fruitfulness of real efforts.

People with healthy optimism are aware of negative aspects as well. They clearly understand the problems they face and the emotions—such as sadness and anger—that arise from those situations. In contrast, people with toxic positivity insist on thinking positively no matter what the problem is. Toxic positivity is the opposite extreme of toxic negativity, which assumes everything is a problem, and both are equally harmful.

Those with toxic positivity often lack the ability to think with openness and realism. They are unwilling to absorb what others say or view situations from different perspectives. When faced with difficulties, they do not try to acknowledge emotions or deal with them in a healthy manner. They may also fail to recognize the harm caused by this attitude. They are more into a dreamy world than realism. Also read: Are you still in a toxic relationship or marital life?

A positive mindset is good, but…..

A positive mindset is good, but ignoring problems and suppressing the emotions they cause is not. This can be gently explained to people who exhibit toxic positivity. If the person is a family member or life partner, one can say, “My experience is different… this is how I feel,” and calmly explain that what is needed is support.

It is important to evaluate whether we ourselves are practicing toxic positivity. We should learn to accept problems and adverse circumstances. When difficulties arise, reflect on how the mind is affected and how the situation should be handled. Staying cool and calm over difficult situations is perfect. But it’s only a static condition for a short time. After that, we need to find realistic solutions and answers to our questions. Find solutions to overcome them and do not hesitate to seek help when necessary. They are deeply linked to our stress levels, anxiety and mental health. How long can we run away from reality?

Some people with toxic positivity believe they need not do anything and that everything will fix itself. They live in a fantasy that some miracle will resolve all their problems. This is an unhealthy mindset. Instead, one should actively look for ways to overcome their problems and challenges.

In some cases, toxic positivity may stem from unrecognized negativity or depression deep within. The positivity such individuals display in front of others can be a result of this internal conflict. Yes, to hide their insecurities, some may act ‘highly positive’ to others and even to themselves.

Others may turn to toxic positivity because negative emotions feel uncomfortable. When someone shares their sadness, such people often offer advice to escape that discomfort or to quickly calm the other person.

Remember that advice given without understanding the problem or motivating someone to face it may carry the shadow of toxic positivity. Emotions experienced by individuals vary depending on circumstances. No one’s emotions should be dismissed, minimized, or invalidated. They should be treated with proper care.

Some people only need someone to listen to their problems. Sit with them, listen, ask whether they need help, and offer whatever support is possible. Being a positive person does not mean never feeling sad or never expressing emotions. Learning to deal with emotions in a healthy way is important. Practicing yoga and meditation can help.

Mindfulness practices and journaling thoughts are also beneficial. When needed, do not hesitate to seek help from mental health professionals. Toxic positivity sometimes needs it, yes, the need to address!