Treat them as daughters if you don’t want to stay at old age homes

Now we hear a lot of hot discussions about little care given to old people and dumping them to old age homes. We blame youngsters as whole in these cases. In most cases, it’s very true. Yet, as every coin, this social issue also has another face – the hidden face when only one face is visible to everyone. Every coin has two faces! Through this column I try to find those unseen stories hidden behind curtains, though they are very rare.

No one can deny the fact that now the distance between parents and kids are growing, if we compare the statistics with conditions existed in past. Kids are now self-dependent in younger ages than before. Girls are also well educated and they are no more traditional women who see God in their man. Now it’s the age of equality where everyone fights for their own rights.

Girls from atomic families expect much more from in-laws and new family

Now let me come to my point. When a girl lives in her family along with her parents, she gets everything she wants. In most cases she is treated as boy than girl, as number of kids in a family are lower than earlier. As a result she expects the same thing from her husband’s home too, when she gets married. Those days have gone, where she used to silently tolerate everything, thinking it’s her duty. No doubt, in most families clashes between in-laws and daughter-in-laws are common. When she doesn’t get enough space, care and love that she used to get from her parents, a wall begins to build in between these two generations and in most cases, it remains so till the end. Yet, I have to add one matter. It’s not the case of all families. Families still exist in our society where respect and love is given to daughter-in-laws and parents get it back in return. Such families are nothing short than a heaven!

As I have told earlier, growing distance between parents and kids is the main cause of leaving old parents in old age homes. Only a few cases are there where kids leave parents, thinking we can’t meet their daily expenses, and they are burdens. If there is a healthy relationship between parents and kids, they won’t leave their parents even in the worst time of their life; I firmly believe so. Human emotions attribute a lot. Yet, there are merciless demons in our society too! When the stronger bond of blood relationship breaks, kids may not love their parents, when they reach the most helpless stage of setting sun. If daughter-in-laws also have similar problems with them, they may support their husbands in case, they take such a bitter decision to dump their parents.

Let me give a few solutions to this social issue

So, let me tell in brief. For parents note – Love and understanding is the basic of all relationships. Parents need to develop a healthy relationship with kids from their early childhood itself. If so, in most cases, kids won’t let them go easily at a stage when their parents have grown old giving up everything they had, to meet happiness for their kids. No one can deny the fact that parents’ love towards kids is pure and sincere. But in some cases, they forget to show it. Bad marks imprinted in the minds of kids during younger age stays forever. So, they may not understand the love behind each scolding of his parents. So, it’s the duty of parents to let them know the real reasons behind their strict behaviour. Then only kids value the reasons and develop a healthy relationship with parents.

Also it’s the duty of parents to treat their daughter-in-laws as their own girls. When they start complaining about everything done by daughter-in-laws, it only narrows the relationship drifting them apart further. Instead if they are able to ignore silly mistakes committed by girls and appreciate them for their good deeds, daughter-in-laws will surely maintain a good and healthy relationship with in-laws. Is there any girl in the world who doesn’t love to be cared or loved? Not at all! So, giving a good atmosphere to daughter-in-laws and treating them well, neglecting and forgiving their simple mistakes can surely establish a healthy relationship between two generation people, belonging to two entirely different ages and behaviours. Avoid abuses and forget those dowry matters too! After all there are infinite good things in this world which money can’t buy. Let it be a give & take policy.

If so, she will never support her husband in case he takes a decision to send his parents to old age homes. Also, never will she strive for that. Also, a healthy atmosphere in the family brings peace and prosperity to the family, improving everyone’s life, behaviour and character. It reduces stress and tensions as well. Let parents do these two roles nicely so that they can expect the same from their children and daughter-in-laws. It develops a good relationship between grandparents and grandkids too – the first learning step of a new born kid.

Now, a simple note for children

Parents may behave good or bad. Yet, it’s your duty to understand that they are weak now and their minds may be suffering from thousands of worries, troubles and health related problems. So, even if they utter harsh words or do things that you hate most, treat them well so that your kids’ learn good lessons from you. After all, when you grew old, they will implement everything that they have learnt from you people! Am I not right? Give them everything you can do even if you won’t get it back. It’s sure all those things will bounce back to you even though through other hands! 

This column is purely based on my personal observation and not meant to hurt anyone. Let me add one thing more. Though I told, developing healthy relationships between family members of two generations can reduce such social issues a lot, I can’t deny the fact that still a few strange persons still exist in our society who never understand the real meanings of love and relations, minds filled with only selfish thoughts. Let us ignore those heartless persons from our talks.

You might also be interested to read a similar topic on old age – Parents can also visit their kids.

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