Inferiority Complex – Is it really needed? How to get rid off it?
Inferiority complex – it enters our minds knowingly or unknowingly, without seeking our permission. It murders our self-confidence, and also hurts our self-esteem if not treated properly. So through this column, let me provide a few simple tricks to gain self-confidence.
This mischievous ghost enters our mind somewhere at office, home, school or on our travel. He grows along with us, and expresses himself occasionally as anger, outbursts and to the worst stage – as revenge. He may prompt us to destroy everything in front of our eyes, and results in big quarrels also. In the worst situations, such outbursts backfires us, breaking relations in personal and professional lives. But if someone asks you, do you know him, you may reply within a few seconds – No! Do you know who is he? Inferiority complex! The real villain or mischievous ghost, we can simply tag him under anyone of these names for our convenience.
When does he enters our mind, and take control over us? We don’t know in most cases. At a particular moment, may be for some particular event or occasion, we may loss self-confidence for some moments. It may be because we may not be able to complete an assigned task in the stipulated time. If so, feeling dissatisfied, we may compare our strengths with our colleague or friend who has done it better than us. We may develop negative feeling such as ‘No one really cares about me…. It may be because I am not talented like them’. Such thoughts are short lived if we give them less attention and engage ourselves in new tasks with some sort of positive energy. Otherwise such disturbing thoughts can conquer our minds, and it’s exactly at the same moment when ‘this little ghost’ starts to play his own written script in our mind’s stage without seeking our permission.
Bad experiences of childhood days and such memories can catalyze and play background music to this ghost, when he is acting in full swing. The process continues, and the play goes on. It’s not a single-day play, but continues for long days before exhibiting his grey shades in your behaviour.
No one needs me….
It’s quite common among elder kids of a family, when a younger sibling is born. When his parents and relatives care the younger one, he develops a strange feeling that no one really wants him. Same restlessness is seen in some kids if her friend gets more marks or her teacher talks to her more time. There are quite a few interesting ‘tales’ where a few complain about short hair, dark complexion, shape of nose or lips and many more. In true sense, they are all mental illusions which are sufficient enough to starve you from peace – negative feel or bad assumptions which conquer your mind.
You may be specific towards certain things. Some people are career oriented, a few others study-oriented, while rest of them are fitness freaks who give a lot of preference to body shape and fair complexion. When your real-time strengths fail to meet the expectations in the field you give due importance problems start at that juncture. Marks in an examination, height, complexion and beauty, smartness in career, money and wealth, costumes – these are some of the common criteria which give rise to complex, and the person always fail to express his feelings before others through words, leading to a pathetic condition.
When someone else get what you actually desire, you may develop a negative feeling that it’s your defect – may be growth in career, money, beauty, success, smartness or anything else. Such thoughts may take birth inside your mind and deeply plant inside without any particular reason. Lack of self-confidence affects self-esteem and you may fail to accept yourself and your good qualities also.
Teenage is most prone to this ‘disorder’
Such thoughts reach the peak point during teenage. Kids of this age are very much anxious about their body features during this stage. For the same reason, they may develop inferiority complex very easily during their teens. They love compliments about smartness, beauty etc. If someone praises him/her, he feels elevated and gets easily attracted to that person as well. Such attractions may lead to lust and love affairs without any logical reasons in teens. A compliment he/she gets through whatsapp or facebook is sufficient. That’s the main reason why teenage kids fall easily into the net of love affairs developed through social media.
Teenagers and youngsters often compare themselves with the physical beauty of their friends or colleagues, and often reach unnecessary conclusions, giving rise to complex. If his/her friend is more handsome or beautiful, if he/she wears better costumes and use better makeup, it can kill his/her sleep. Its response may come out at an unexpected moment, sometimes very strange. Commanding language during conversation, jealousy, back-biting, hot arguments that ‘I am always right’, not giving others opportunity to talk – such negative behaviour is quite common in people with complex. He may also find secret happiness by hurting the other person in whatever way they can. To the worst stage, he may gossip about the other person hiding real facts, and ridicule him in front of others.
Inferiority complex during teens, if not treated properly can lead to behavioral defects. He may fully loss his self-confidence. He may keep distance from friends, show lack of interest to mingle and play, try to imitate friends by adopting their habits, dressing style etc, isolating himself from every activity – are some of the bad consequences. If problems reach this stage, it’s not easy to solve. So, it’s the duty of parents to observe the change of behavior of their teen kids, and try to communicate with them to know the root of all evils. Never neglect even silly things, because reasons for complex may be very strange at least for a few cases.
Recovery from inferiority complex, positively
You can observe all the success people around you, belonging to different fields. All of them owned some kind of limitations, and through their hard work and self-determination, they changed their world, and reached the place where they were truly deserved to be. In short, no one is free of defects, though some of them take them too seriously. Such successful people have recognized the factors that can drag them from self-confidence, got rid of them finding positive ways, and reached a position where they are now.
Everyone can’t expertise in all fields, and each person is meant for some particular field, and failure in one particular field or profession doesn’t imply that he is a total failure in life, and identifying the right field and passion can help him to achieve more than what he actually dreams or realizes. After all, sky is not the limit, and we can’t fix our dreams and targets at any point. Like a sky, they are not static at any point of time, and change very often like shooting star, and find new destinations quite different from previous ones. Isn’t it?
Let me explain it with one of the biggest celebrities of Bollywood cinema at present. He is none other than our own Greek god, Hrithik Roshan, who suffered with stammering problems during his younger days. Yes, it’s true, he struggled for a long time, and lacked self-confidence to mingle and communicate with others. Yet through strong determination, he kept on fighting with his stammering problem, conquered every defect, and now he is one of biggest superstars and influential actors of Indian cinema. Not only that, he also suffered with obesity problems, and also has an extra thumb on his right hand. Yet he became the no: 1 dancer of Indian cinema, and well known for his looks and physique. The best advice he gives to others is – Don’t feel weak about your shortcomings. Now he is a great inspiration to many youngsters, who develop inferiority complex for very silly reasons.
Yes, a child with stammering can get rid of the problem, by developing reading habit since young, and who knows what’s written in his fate! He may change to a world famous elocutionist or inspirational speaker. This technique is called Direct Compensation, and through this technique, negativity of stammering problem is overcome by the positive effects of knowledge. The success story of Kerala’s former Chief Minister, E. M. S. Namboodiripad is the best instance. There is also one Malayalam movie with this inspiring story starring Jayasurya, Su.. Su… Sudhi Vathmeekam sharing a common tale.
The realization that ‘I and my friend differ in tastes and talents, and that I can expertize in another field which my friend may not succeed’ can kill complex in kids during its primitive stage itself. A child who is not brilliant in studies may succeed in arts or sports. If parents are able to cultivate such feelings in kids and support him, he will definitely succeed, and it improves his self-confidence too.
Never use the same measurement scale to measure the qualities and potential of all kids; it’s something like asking a fish to climb a tree and demanding a crow to swim in water, or asking a crocodile to fly in air, to mark the best one or all-rounder in a single competition. Is it possible? Not at all! It’s applicable to humans too. We can’t measure the brilliance of a person through a few pre-determined criteria. Only parents and teachers can help them to find the hidden talent and potential of each kid. After all, earning a high-salaried job in future can never guarantee all fortunes and happiness of life. If your kid is good in painting and drawing, encourage him. It improves his self-confidence, and forgets all complexes. The process of identifying the real talents, and get over the complex is termed as Indirect Compensation.
If a kid regularly hears words such as, “You are not brilliant, you are not smart, you are of no use” etc, they get deeply imprinted in his mind and soul. Such deeply rooted thoughts in childhood can give raise to many problems in future. He may take risk and take challenges to prove himself better before his parents and society, which can harm him a lot. We come across many people of the society who takes every single opportunity to shine before everyone, may be through smart language, good dressing habits and catching body language. They boast over their deeds and often tell false stories to catch everyone’s attention. The hidden problem of such persons – complex, nothing else! Due to lack of self-confidence, he tries to prove himself smart before others, and many times it reflects artificiality. In most cases, it’s just an irritating sight, and people hate and ignore such people most, and he keeps trying every time.
It’s all above personal beliefs, and nothing else
Lack of confidence in beauty and body may reflect in his daily deeds and profession. Why can’t I do things like my colleague? Boss likes him more, though I try my level best – such thoughts can affect him most. Such negative thoughts bear negative results too, and it takes away his concentration in job. It may also give in return, lack of interest to do things properly.
Such inferiority feelings may reflect in the personal and married life too. ‘I have some defects’ – this thought is the real villain in married lives too, creating problems. There is one Malayalam comedy film titled Vadakkunokki Yanthram, where complex develops in the mind of a newly married person of black complexion. He gives much importance to his physical looks, and develops a fear in his mind that his beautiful wife dislikes him. It’s not just a mere film story, and it can happen in anyone’s life. If wife is fair and beautiful, husband with dark complexion may develop insecurity feeling in his mind and develop many illusions which can harm their relationship to great extent. He can even doubt her, leading things to separation and divorce.
Some husbands are of dominating nature, who believe wives to be their slaves. However she tries to earn success in her professional career for the betterment for their family life and financial stability, he always find new reasons to insult her. He can never tolerate if she earns more than him, or owns a better professional career. He may not withstand if someone praises her qualities. He develops a feeling in his mind that she won’t listen to his words, and he feels inferior to her. Lack of self-confidence creates such egos anywhere, which cast black shadows in deep bonds and relationships. Possessiveness, doubtfulness etc could be the end result. Open communication between the couple, and praising one another for their achievements can deeply uproot such evil thoughts forever.
A wife may not an expert in cooking, but she is brilliant in other household activities. Instead of finding defects in her dishes, you can praise her for her housekeeping skills. A wife should also read the character of her husband and behave according to it. If so, many clashes can be avoided. Husband should also identify that his wife has more than one role to handle, and he should support her, and she really needs it. You should also accept the fact that every person can’t become perfect in every task he does.
Serve the society with your good behavior
Inferiority complex is just like a ghost, he may achieve strength as time passes by, or he may turn weak due to positive changes in our character. But in most cases, they show only slight variations. Best instance is the show off that exists in our society, where a rich person buys a luxurious house or car or a reputed person marries off his daughter spending so much money. Such showoffs are just for showing their self-respect and power, and in our society it means a lot. Such facts attack ladies most, comparing with their counterparts and a silly reason is sufficient. Such showoffs and spending can drag you to extra debts.
Woman is little bit emotional comparing man, and that’s one reason. The circumstances in which they grew up and the restrictions implemented on them by the society can develop as complex in minds, particularly if their wings of freedom are cut before they start flying towards their desired destinations. Woman is physically weak than man. It also gives a bad message through the society that she should fully depend on man, and doesn’t own freedom. But it’s not true. Though she is physically weak than man, she is mentally strong and patient than man, and they are strong enough to take the problems of her family and husband on her shoulders, and support him mentally by all means. In short, women should never be compared to men. Instead her inner strengths should be identified. If so, she never develops inferiority complex.
Some positive effects of inferiority complex
Inferiority complex helps you to know the hidden defects, and if you are willing to work on them, you can convert those defects to positives. But keep everything in limit. But the negative results of complex can lead to depression too. If so, everything goes off our hands. Lack of self-confidence blocks him taking responsibilities. It’s only our mind and its thoughts and imaginations which create all sorts of problems. So develop a habit to think positive only, and stop comparing ourselves with others.
Each person is different, and owns different skills too – it’s the basic thought needed to get rid of all sort of complexions. Also never give importance to physical looks. After all, looks help you to catch everyone’s attraction, but it’s only our talent and virtue which steal everyone’s hearts. Capture this mischievous ghost in a jar and throw it off in the deep seas.
A chart of self-assessment
Make friendship with self-confidence and positiveness to get rid of the complexities of complex issues. If needed, you can seek the help of a doctor, and a single sitting may be sufficient to set him off from your mind. In Cognitive behavior therapy, there is a technique to increase self-confidence, and find the factors which determine the person ‘I’, and improve self-esteem.
Draw a circle in a piece of paper. Just take a moment to find your different roles as a human – in the society and family. Divide the circle into those roles – such as household, daughter, spouse, professional career, dancer, social activities etc. Write one role in each column. Through self-assessment, give marks to each column (may be out of 10). Now go through different columns. You might have given less marks to your professional career, but scored brilliant as a mother or daughter. It gives a positive side of you as a person, and improves you as a person.
Some people are brilliant in many roles they carry out, but may be weaker in one or two. But these weak points can take his whole happiness. This self-assessment chart is a brilliant technique to get rid of the negativity in such people. Yes, you are inferior to no one. Keep this chart yourself secretly in your personal belonging, and can repeat the experiment occasionally.
Positive diary to change the outlook of a person
Thoughts and his approach to life can be changed through positive diary. When you reached home some of the important tasks you did, and earned happiness in return, and also give marks to them. You might have done a very silly thing, which appears less significant to others. But this single task might have charged you with some sort of positive energy which kept you happy day throughout. In short, your happiness is the first preference, while noting things to the diary. It helps the brain to find happiness in every task you do, thus improving our life, talents and outlook towards life. After one month, you can go through the different happy events and the positive signs occurred in your life in those days slowly.
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