Friendship Special – 12 Important key notes to keep friendship fresh and green
Friendly relations that stay fresh and alive till the end of life journey – It’s a dream to all. Better way to make this dream come true is – Be a good friend, whole world bows before you. Let us learn and bi-heart these heart mantras to earn good friendships and retain them forever. A day extensively reserved to celebrate friendship – The first Sunday of every August month. But healthy friendship relations should not be bound to a single-day celebration only. Instead it is to be rejoiced and celebrated forever.
Today technology is far advanced and cheap that you can communicate with any friend at any corner of this earth at any time in low cost. Only time is to be spared, nothing else. Smart phones make us remember us that every friend is only ‘smart distant’ away from us, and can be reached at fingertips. Yes, relations stay at our fingertips now.
Relationships with strong bonds are slowly disappearing. If you ask yourself, “Do I have a friend with whom I can share everything?” and get answer ‘Yes’, you are a lucky person. Otherwise you are still in find of your dear friend Isn’t it? Today everyone is a part of hundreds of facebook groups and whatsapp friends who communicate 24 hours a day. But how many of them are so dear to you? With how many persons can you share your feelings, thoughts and emotions? Sadly, such friends can be counted in fingertips!
How many friends do you have whom you can trust most? How many of them sincerely think about your welfare? How many of them will really support you in a difficult situation or not blame you for a bad act? How many share emotions with you and understand you without any explanations and words? How of them dare to love you without changing you as a person or without condition or misunderstandings or without expecting anything in return? In short, how many true friends do you truly have in your life? If you find such a true friend in your life with above written ‘conditions’, never leave him for any reason.
Our parents, siblings or relatives are not chosen by us. They all become a part of life as our destiny. Same is not the case of our friends; it’s just like members of our family where we made a choice. We choose friends, isn’t it? We see a lot of persons every day, and mingle with many people too. Yet only a few manage to conquer our heart and soul. Have you ever asked what the reason behind it is? Why we become attached to a few persons, though they are not of blood bonds? In a single word, we can define it as ‘Wavelength’ – two persons with same wavelength get attracted to each other easily.
The relationship between the two, common in behavior and characteristics, easy to communicate and better understandings – reasons may be anyone of these, which begins a friendship. Yet we need to know the person near before we finally decide to add him to friends’ circle. Time helps you in this matter, and situations and experiences too.
Friendship gives some emotions to our soul and mind, similar to any other relationship that exists in this world. Two persons with same soul or mind – it’s the true meaning of true friendship. The feel it gives is equally important. Love, freshness, support, comfort, communication, mutual understanding, sharing – some of the basic ingredients of friendship. He may be far or near, but if his presence is always felt, that’s the definition of true friendship. He always holds our hands, though he is miles of distance away from us.
We meet different persons at different phases of life, and a few form a part of our friends’ circle. In the test of time, we lose a few while a few are here to stay forever. If a friendship stays alive till the end of life journey, it’s true. A personality with integrity can become a good friend, of course. Integrity binds with it some of the factors such as character, honesty and virtue. Sincerity, helping mentality, hate for gossips, inflexible mind, emotional balance etc are some of the good traits associated with integrity. To retain a friendship, one of the two should know how to become a good friend.
To become a good friend and to retain friendly relations, let us follow these few simple mantras.
1. Assurance to stay with us for long
What’s the best quality of a friend? An intense feel that he stays with us forever irrespective of our bad or good times. That’s an ideal friendship. So try to become a friend of all seasons. If you leave your friend at bad times, he doesn’t deserve to be named as good friend. Friendship is a two-way process, and you should support him during his bad times as well. A friend can advise you very often and it’s a good sign too. But most important is his mentality to stay with you in true sense in all situations. Advise him only when he requests to do so, or whenever you feel its need, but not always. Same is the case of loyalty in relationship. When he is so close to you, he may reveal many personal matters before you, in belief that you won’t share with anyone. You should be confidential in keeping his secrets.
2. Give him support without expecting anything in return
Support given by a true friend is similar to a fixed deposit at bank which gives regular and sustained interest. Support him for whatever nice decisions he takes in his life, and also ponder positive thoughts and inspirations for him. Support him during bad times as well, when he faces a few initial setbacks while carrying out those major dreams or decisions. It can happen. You may not be able to accept his stand over a particular situation or problem. Yet never leave his hand. Without listening to your words, if he carries forward a decision and receive a setback, never blame him for any reason. Such a response from you can hurt him a lot. Blaming someone is the shortest way to leave someone. While he is tangled in problems, suggest a few solutions if you can.
A good friend is like a mirror in which you see your own reflection at bad and worst times too, and if he believes you, be a mirror in front of him. Apart from mentioning about his good things, make him aware of bad situations and threats also. Only a friend can correct his friend and his mistakes, if he truly believes so.
3. Preserving and caring in friendship
If there is a good bond between friends, words are not needed to interpret the hidden feelings of minds. Eyes and face expressions are more than enough. It takes only a few seconds for a good friend to know if you are worried in mind or tangled in thoughts. He may enquire you seeing your mood change, that’s the true understanding your soul. Never leave hold of such true friends of your life. Even if not near, remain close to him through messages or any sort of communication. You should be keen to know how his life is going on, even while he is away from you, in some other part of the world. If a friend dials you only at the time of need, he is not a true friend. Only a friend can lighten your mind with a simple ‘Hai’, either through phone or by person. When you come to know about some bad situation of your friend, never hesitate to enquire thinking that, what he will think of you. Caring is very important in such situations.
4. Avoid possessiveness and gossips
Never be over possessive over your friends. Such extra added possessiveness have only killed relations till now, though there lies a deep of love and admiration beneath the hearts, in most cases. You should have a mind to accept other friendship relations of your dear friend. Never gossip or complain about your close friend to a third person, or spread gossips about him. Gossips spread like wild fire, and when it reaches your friend’s ears, the relation is broken forever. Similarly if someone gossip about your dear friend to you, have a second thought and if it’s not all serious, leave it. Otherwise you can tell your friend. If he feels that you believe small gossips, it may hurt your relation. It’s also not a good idea to gossip about your friend’s friends.
5. Spare time for friendship
Friendship is like a garden, and relations in this garden spread their fragrance if bonding of the friends like flowers is strong. So extra care is needed to make a garden of friendship and nourish it with proper care and attention. You should spare at least a little time for your true friends, and if you are able to fine it naturally, it’s far far better than the artificiality created. And more important is let your friend know that you care for him even while you are busy with your daily life. Love is caring and it’s needed to be expressed too.
Find some quality time for your close friend if you can, and avoid mobile phones and other forms of communications during those hours. But you should take care of his privacy as well. A space for you two, and also a small wall can keep relationship green forever. In short, if you are a true friend, it doesn’t imply you should stay with him for 24 hours. You should discrete yourself and foresee if your friend want some privacy hours, and grand him the same. Understand his true emotions and behave according to it.
6. Be mature while handling difference in opinions
He may be your true friend. But it doesn’t imply both you people agree in opinions always. At least for a few matters, you may disagree with your friend. Your concepts and perspectives may be different. It’s always a wise decision not to drag your indifferences to hot debates or arguments, which may pain your relationship. Never deal emotionally with arguments. Your attempt to prove that your concept is only right and not to see the issue from other person’s angle can make things worse and affect your relationship. Each person carries his own opinions and it may differ from others. If you able to see those different insights like two faces of a coin, you can accept the other person and his perspectives easily.
Never raise your voice during arguments, and leave that matter as soon as that situation is over. Never allow the difference in opinion and arguments to cast shadow in your relationship, and see both are two entirely different entities. Similarly, using bad words in anger can also wound relationships. Try to stay calm at all situations. Instead to trying to impose your concepts over a matter, you can simply say, ‘What I feel is…..’ Always talk giving mutual respect, because it’s a very important factor to sustain a relationship. Only relations of equal respect can pave way to true friendship. Your hints such as ‘You don’t know anything…’ give less respect to the other person. Even if it’s uttered in a serious node, a true friend takes it in humour sense only.
7. No egos and learn to forgive
Needless to say, forgiveness in friendship can keep that relationship green. Some good friendships may break for simple talks or jokes. If you are able to recollect good things given by your friend earlier, you may able to forget those hurting moments given by your friend today. You need to say good bye to egos to sustain in a relationship. In some cases, you may need to forgive or ask him to give the same. But due to ego, both of you may hesitate, letting that good relationship of your life to go. Never think that he should talk first. Let you be the first person, if you value that relationship in your life. Self-respect is good, but ego should not conquer it.
8. Energy supplements for dreams
Be a good friend who adds positive thoughts to your friend’s dreams. Never discourage him even while the destiny is not so easy. Provide him wings and let him fly. A true friendship should enrich mutually, and allow growing in its own space. If you don’t value the talents of your friend, you don’t deserve the tag of a true friend. A good friend is someone who catalyzes his dearest friend even while he is fully down, suffering from lack of confidence to carry forward a particular dream or task assigned to him. try to give good advices and encouragements at the right time when your friend really needs it.
9. Be a good listener
You can become a true friend only if you are a good listener, and do it sincerely. A friend like one-way talkie or radio will be hated and ignored by his friends most. If we keep talking continuously about our matters, it makes others bored. When you meet your friend, you may pour in your sorrows and thoughts without taking a breath. But remember never make your friendship a dustbin to throw your sorrows and worries only. If so, the other person gets bored easily.
It’s good you open your mind before your dearest friend. But never forget to ask about his whereabouts, his dreams, problems and whatever he wants to share with you, and be sincere in those enquires.
10. Fun moments are most essential
Though deep relations give you enough space to express your grief and sorrows, it’s the fun moments together that keep friendship fresh. Otherwise slowly your friendship reaches a boredom phase, just mechanical. Surprise your friend with something he likes most, and let him know you care about him. Fill your friendship with some nice and happy moments, which you would love to recollect in future and tag as ‘nostalgic’! Similar to every relationship, friendship also starts with freshness and a lot of love and sharing moments and later a mechanical phase. Some perks in between can keep your friendship away from boredom. You can also plan your enjoyable fun moments together. Go for a movie, or a shopping or coffee, or arrange a party at home. You can gather together at your favourite spot and have a chit chat once in a while. You can also include a park or beech for your evening trip occasionally, and enjoyed by both mutually. Such pleasant moments will be cherished forever. When a friendship lack such fun moments, it suffocates a lot.
If you feel bored of a friendship, arrange a trip, and exchange a few gifts. You can send gifts to your friend for his birthday or important achievements. Gifts are to be treasured as well, irrespective of their actual cost.
11. Take a break from misunderstandings
Misunderstandings can occur at any phase of friendship. Open communication is most important, and listen to his words as well. Please note, if your friend go far away from you for some misunderstanding, it’s not easy to restore the relation to previous position. It’s also not nice to hide misunderstandings in the deep corner of mind, and ‘act’ in friendship. Delete misunderstandings from the inner corner of your heart, and flush it out with some pleasant moments.
It’s also possible, friendships can grand you a few setbacks, and your true friend may break your trust, or you didn’t identify the ‘true colours’ of your true friend. You might have your own expectations about your friend, but he behaved indifferently, and such situations can hurt you. In case you lost some good relationship of your life which was nice to you, just remember this simple fact – True friendships are not to be lost, and if lost they were not true friendships. It’s always better such people go far away from your life. Just think, if your friend is not even not willing to openly communicate with you to clear his doubt, instead he went away silently, was he your true friend? Not at all! After all, friendship also rests on mutual beliefs, rather than the words of a third person. Isn’t it? It’s just a phase of time or moment to recognize a false friend of our life, that’s it.
12. Never go far away from a relation
Always try to keep a bond in every relation, and never allow your relation to fall apart. If a situation such as misunderstanding or difference in opinion occurs between true friends, never allow a gap to widen between you. Enquire about him like before, and you should be able to know what’s happening in his life. Now communication media is so advanced that you can interact with him through a simple message. Make use of it. You can also write letters, send him a greeting card etc to reminiscent those nostalgic yesterdays. Most important of all, true love is the basement of all friendships, and the whole world bows before this strange emotion. Then why not friendship?
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